Guitar pickups that promise everything

I just read this quote about a pick up called the Nazgûl. I love the name. I need to install one of these in my +2 Axe!

“The Nazgûl was developed for extreme metal players who required a massive and aggressive tone that still maintained plenty of articulation. The Pegasus was developed for prog and modern metal players who needed plenty of aggression but required enhanced dynamics, more harmonic richness and defined string separation so individual notes don’t get lost in the mix. The perfect compliment to both these pickups is the Sentient neck pickup which is also now available in a 6-string version. It’s voiced to capture a blend of vintage PAF and modern tones with enough output to deliver harmonically rich distorted lead tones but subtle enough to give you deep, detailed cleans. Think of it as combining the best qualities of the ’59 Model and the Jazz: clarity, detail, depth, attack and expression.”

So let me get this straight. Not only is this pickup give you the “old school” PAF sound, it also sounds “modern”. Besides having “massive agression” it also has “enhanced dynamics.” While it gives “harmonically rich distorted leads”, it also provides  “jazz clarity.”

No doubt it’s a great pick up. To be honest an ad like this promises so much I’m not sure what it sounds like. This pickup would be the only pick up you might ever need. I suppose it doesn’t mention crunchy and organic.

I wonder how often words like vintage, modern, clarity, aggression, enhanced dynamics, depth, detail etc. appear in pick up descriptions? Are there words that describe pickups uniquely? Seems the ad copy is so subjective you can’t really trust it entirely. While some of the words hold a specific meaning that can be quantified to a degree. Dynamics, high or low output mean something to me, or at least I expect something when I read these words. Many other words have less meaning, or I expect they mean different things to different people. Words like massive, are we talking more low end, more output, or both.

I propose a discuss and definition of a few words that have specific meaning in the world of pickups. Something you can count on.